Some of you may have already seen this video on my studio blog, and I apologize for the re-post.  But I just have to.  This performance is amazing.  It gave me chills all over and I broke into a good cry.  Oh Beyonce!

And a warning to you - I'm going to get a bit mushy before you watch the video...

I want to do something amazing and important during my life.  Don't we all want this? 

We want to matter, to feel like our lives are not a waste.  We are seeking meaning. 

If we stop for a moment and look around, there are hundreds and hundreds of other people just like us.  They are seeking the same things.  We all want to be happy and want our suffering to go away.  We want to matter and want to find what makes us special.  We want to contribute something...incredible. 

I have spent pretty much all of my post-college days searching for this meaning.  What do I want to do with my life?  What will make me feel alive and fulfilled?  What is my "calling"? 

I kept searching and searching. 

Sometimes, I would even go into little depressions feeling like I was failing.  At what, I'm not sure.  Maybe it was failing at feeling fulfilled with life.  Failing at being something great.  Some days, I felt like it didn't matter if I got up and went to work or not.  I wasn't doing anything special.  What was the point?

But it turns out, the answer that I was searching for was right there with me the whole time.

It was a huge step for me to take the plunge and start my own studio.  Do you want to know how I finally found the strength and faith to do it?

It came down to one moment in India.  I met a classical Indian musician and during our conversation I mentioned that I was a singer.  His face lit up with excitement and he started to tell me about this school that he teaches music at.  It's a school for blind children.  This type of school is extremely rare in India.  They have few schools available to children and definitely not specialized schools for ones with disabilities. 

He asked if I would come sing for the children.  He told me that it would make them so happy.  They live really difficult lives in India, and hearing someone sing would be an incredible gift for them.  It would be like an escape for just a little while, and a memory that they could keep with them forever.

And you know what is so sad?  My first thought was not that I would love to sing for the children.  It was doubt.  My first thought was, "I don't know if I can do that.  I haven't practiced in months - I wouldn't even know what to sing..."

And then it hit me, no matter how "good" I felt my singing was, I was able to sing and sing well enough that it would be enjoyable for them to listen to.  I could do something that would put a smile on a child's face and maybe, even make them fall in love with music.  This wasn't about me.  It was about the gift I could give them.

I finally pushed through the doubt and found a "yes" waiting there patiently for me.   

Unfortunately, Rob and I were only in town for one more day and the school was not able to change the schedule in time for me to come in and sing.

So I didn't get to sing for those children, but it was a lesson.  A HUGE lesson.

I have a gift. 

It will never be perfect, but it doesn't matter because that's not what it's about.  It's a gift.  And we all have one.

If I just open myself up and start sharing it, I may bring a little happiness to one person, even if it's for just a moment.  A little piece of something special.

I knew then that it was time to stop doubting.  Stop putting myself down and holding myself back.  It was time to start giving. 

I wasn't sure (and am still figuring it out!) how to share my talents in a way that is true to myself.  By chance, a friend mentioned a website to me and when I checked it out, I saw an interesting e-course on building a business.  I had read lots of books, but never had taken an e-course before.  I felt strangely pulled to it, so I decided it was time to try it. 

The course I took was called the Business Goddess E-course (you can learn about it here - http://tinyurl.com/8leychx).  It's focused on women, but the insight is absolutely incredible and something that a lot of us need to hear!  It changed the way I think about "work" and gave me the confidence I needed to step out into the unknown. 

Everyday I wake up, I have to remind myself of the lesson I learned in India and the many, many lessons in the Business Goddess E-course.  It's so easy to get swept away with the mundane routine of life.  We wake, we work, we eat, we sleep, we start again.  BUT - I have remind myself - every day I wake up, it is a new day.  I am thankful to be alive for another day and I can do my best to bring something beautiful and positive into this world. 

So here's the Beyonce video I mentioned in the beginning.  I hope that you find it as inspirational as I did!

When we were at Buddhism camp in India and even at our little retreat in New Mexico, we felt pretty proud of ourselves.  Man, we were really internalizing all those life-altering Buddhist concepts about compassion, root causes of suffering, the downfalls of attachment and self-cherishing, etc, etc.  We felt strong in body and mind and were ready to go back to "real" life and kick some butt.  Get stuff done!  Live life to the fullest!  It was going to be awesome.

Well.....it was so easy to internalize all those Buddhist concepts in the middle of nowhere, without much responsibility.  But now, oh now, we've been flung back into the real world and we are quickly falling back into old habits and are constantly losing our Zen. I'm already getting the itch to ditch it all and start traveling again, but that would just prove to be completely unaffordable and an escape from dealing with the inevitable things in life.  Now it's back to managing the to-do list: cooking, cleaning, laundry, errands, paying bills, exercising, working, studying, organizing, fixing broken stuff...all while making time to have fun, enjoy hobbies, feed our spirituality, volunteer, be social, make friends, and keep in touch with old friends.  It's quite exhausting!  How do we all do this?

For about two weeks, Rob has been living in "The Cave" (aka - our basement turned into a study area).  He's already looking a bit overwhelmed and frazzled.  Every time he emerges from the depths, his eyes are wide with panic, his hair looks like he's been electrocuted, and he starts pacing like a caged lion.  Oh goodness.  The madness is setting in.

I'm making good progress in the professional arena, but on the home front, I'm not quite adjusting back yet.  We don't have a washer or dryer and can't afford one until our next loan payment comes in (the joys of student poverty!), so I've been hand washing all our clothes or going to the laundromat when too much has piled up.  I have a handy-dandy little "manual clothes washer" tool that I got from Emergency Essentials.  At least we'll be set when the zombies come or the power grids fail.  And I get an upper body workout during the whole washing and wringing process.  I'm trying to think positive.  I think the main problem is that I'm incredibly distracted by TV shows (there's so many to catch up on!!), so there's not as much getting done as there could be...where did my self control go?  Did I really just watch four episodes of Arrested Development?  But I HAVE to because the new season is coming out and I need to remind myself about the previous seasons...

Somebody should have warned us. 

Monday was Rob's official "You're in the Club" ceremony where he got his white coat for medical school.  Doctor Rob has arrived!  We weren't really sure what to expect at the event, but the whole thing was pretty awesome.

It was all the new class members - there are about 200 - with their friends and family.  They took the Doctor's Oath and were sworn in as medical professionals.  Then they each were called to the stage to receive their coat.

There were a few speeches, which were really what made us tear-up.  The school is so focused on compassion and right motivation.  They said that Rob's class had all the best academic and social markers; they have the highest average MCAT score of any OSU entering class, they have the highest average GPA of any class, and had all shown commitment to service through volunteer work and activities.  But, they said, that wasn't enough for them to beat out the other 3700 applicants that did not get chosen.  They chose these students because of who they are.  They are compassionate people who really want to make a difference in the lives of others.  To help the sick because that's the natural thing for them to do.  They also were chosen because they welcomed the search committee in to their lives by sharing stories of their family and friends, how these people have become such an important part of them, during the interview process.  Rob talked a lot about me and my always adventurous journey to health.  See, I come in handy! :)

It was so exciting to realize that those 199 other medical students are like Rob.  And the faculty gets them.  The values are the same, the focus is the same.

Rob is finishing is orientation week today and he said that during one of the talks this week, they were told, "In order to graduate from this medical program, you must at the very least, show complete compassion and care for patients.  That is the bottom line.  We will not graduate you if you have not shown this fundamental skill to us."  Rob is in the right place.

Here's a video from the ceremony! 

So selling all our furniture last May to embark on a yearlong journey around the world was awesome, except now we’re back to “normal” life and we have no furniture!  It’s kinda developed into an emergency situation, since Rob starts school on Monday and Amy's studio opens on the 20th, in which people will be coming into our house.  We have clothes thrown all over the place.  There are boxes of homeless books just waiting for a place to live.  It’s been awful.  The only thing we’ve bought since we moved in were some pretty sweet couches off craigslist.  Other than that, it’s been pretty bare-bones around here.

So what’s the answer?  IKEA!!  The closest one to us is in Cincinnati, so we decided to take our first out-of-town adventure and make it into an Ikea run. 

Want to know how to make a 30-year old woman break down into a 2-year old tantrum?  Leave her at Ikea for 7 hours!  Yep, we were there for 7 HOURS!  It was a marathon.  Literally, since we had to sprint to the finish.  The store was closing and we still we hadn’t picked up all our items.  We were the last ones to check out and to load our car.  They even turned off all the parking lot lights.  Any of you who have been to Ikea can probably relate.

So about half-way through, Amy got “the angries” which means that nice, pleasant Amy has gone MIA and angry Amy emerges.  She stares down Rob in a sort of, “Careful, mister, I could rip your throat out” sort of way, starts complaining, pouting, and is on the verge of throwing herself on the floor and screaming.   Rob just slowly backed up, raised his hands in surrender, and led us straight to the nearest food court.  The angries are no match to snack time, and wouldn’t you know it?  Ikea not only has every furniture item you could ever want in your house, they also have a yummy cafeteria and bistro.  Haleluja!!  We were both saved from craziness.

So here’s what we left with: 2 dressers, 3 desks, two tables, a bar (for mixing drinks in the dining room), a storage unit, and many décor items and random useful crap.

What happens now?  We get to spend the rest of our weekend assembling furniture!  Spare a thought for us whenever you’re enjoying that nicely assembled table or desk at your home.  At that very moment, we’ll be screwing ours together, pouring with sweat, and missing the Olympics.  But don’t worry, we’ll have plenty of snacks to keep Amy in check, and Rob will be well-beered, which will make things interesting! :)

Oh, and P.S. - Amy's studio website is now up!  Check it out at www.studioRmusic.com.
Also, this blog will have a new look soon, so be ready for that!

Happy Saturday, everyone!